I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
