If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
