that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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