Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize