Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
