K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
