Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
