so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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