When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
