The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were destined to go to rehab together
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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