quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
