Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
