An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
