Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
