dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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