the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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