why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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