Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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