I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
