im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
