omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize