You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
