worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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