I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
