your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
