do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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