All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
