guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
