Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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