He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need water and some morals
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
