how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
