i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
