Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
