can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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