so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
