Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
