All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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