Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
