you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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