You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
