You just made me feel so damn special
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize