I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
