dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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