we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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