I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
