Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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