GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I party with great urgency now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
