You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
