I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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