Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize