Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
