No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
