I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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