so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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