There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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