I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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