cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
