The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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