Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
