Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
