Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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