I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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