1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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