i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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