Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
