The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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