Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
