that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
