I'm eating all of the evidence.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
